"It is what it is... But will become what you make of it"

Dear Hope,

Last November my mother in-law Eileen, found out she had Pancreatic Cancer.  What she thought was just a back ache that wouldn’t go away turned out to be her worst nightmare.  After numerous tests the drs concluded that because of the placement of the tumor it is at this time, inoperable.  But, the goal is that with aggressive chemotherapy they will be able to shrink the tumor enough so that they can then operate and remove it.  In the past few months she has undergone numerous surgeries and unfortunate complications which have forced her in and out of the hospital and still hasn’t been able to start chemo. Eileen is such an amazing person.  She is one of the strongest and most determined women I have ever met.  I look up to her in so many ways and I am so lucky to be a part of her family. Because of all her strong qualities… in theory the plan seemed so easy to get to her end goal and beat the cancer.  But easy is not even a word that can even be associated with what she has had to endure.   . 

I have been with Brian for almost 10 years and in that time I have obviously grown very close with his mom and his family.  But, it wasn’t until last year when I shared our infertility struggles with Eileen that we really became close.  During our IVF cycles, after every appointment I would have my list of people that I needed to update so the 1^st call was of course my mom but the very next call was to her. Even if it was early and with the time difference (she lives in Arizona) she always was excited to answer and hear how things went.   I can remember calling her the day we found out I was pregnant and how excited she was. She right away wanted to make sure that Brian (her baby boy) was taking care of me and her future grandbaby.  In July, Brian and I took our 1^st trip out to Arizona to visit her and we had such a great time.  I remember how excited she was for us and couldn’t wait to be called “Nana”.

As vivid as I remember the phone call to tell her our good news I also remember the call I had to make to let her know about my miscarriage.  But, she knew just what to say to make things feel a little better and help me get through my darkest days (I guess it’s a mom thing).  Since then we have been through 2 more unsuccessful IVF cycles and she still has remained positive and always gave me words of encouragement.   The hard part about the last cycle and this current cycle is that because of what she is going through and her hospital stays, I am not able to call her every time I get done with the dr and I miss that.  I miss her… 

After I found out about her cancer the 1^st thing I thought of was that if we are lucky enough to have kids, they may not meet their “Nana”.  I know she is going though so much pain and even as strong as she is, I know there are days that she just can’t take it.  But selfishly I don’t ever want her to stop fighting…  I don’t want to ever imagine my life without her in it or that she wouldn’t be a part of her grandkids lives.  Even though I know I could not control my miscarriage, I often feel guilty and think about how if hadn’t lost the baby that she would get the opportunity to be a nana.  I know that I shouldn’t even think that way but sometimes it’s hard not to.  So it is even more important that this current IVF cycle be a success. 

But with all that, whenever I am feeling sad or struggling through the day I think about Eileen’s new motto: “It is what it is… But will become what you make of it!” That exemplifies the type of person that she is… always looking for the positive even when things seem to be at their worst. 

I want to believe that the positive of having to go through all the IVF struggles has been to give me the opportunity to strengthen my relationship with my mother in-law.  So all my sadness, heartache and frustration has been worth it to know that I have been able to build a strong and everlasting bond with her that can never be taken away!

I love you Eileen,

Kate