Really!

Dear Hope,

Anyone who has struggled with infertility has heard all the clichés and by now I usually am able to not let it bother me but for some reason I struggled to be strong today. I have been in pretty good spirits with my upcoming cycle approaching however today was just one of those days.  Someone asked me "Are you pregnant again yet?" As if I had control over it! Then she proceeded to tell me that I am soooo young and that if I "just relax" then it will happen.  Believe me if it was just about relaxing I would quit my job and move to an exotic island!!!  So, I tried to laugh it off and she kept going so finally I said well... I actually am about to start IVF cycle #4!!! So, we are really hoping that this time it works.  I thought that would shut her up... nope! She then continued with "Wow, that's so expensive I think you are just not timing things up right!"  REALLY!!!  I know I should not get frustrated with people's ignorance but REALLY!!! So annoyed!!!  So it got me thinking...  Here are some of the comments people have said to me in the past 2 years and that no one who is trying to have a baby or has suffered a miscarriage ever wants to hear or should have to hear...

• Just relax and it will happen
• Just get drunk
• Maybe you are not timing things up
• Just adopt
• Once you adopt you will get pregnant
• There are so many unwanted children out there
• You would be such a great mother
• You will get pregnant I just know it
• You don’t know what it’s like because you DON’T have kids
• Stop trying
• Maybe it’s just not meant to be
• Go on vacation
• I know so many people who have had a miscarriage
• It was Mother Nature's way of saying something was wrong
• Its ok… you will get pregnant next time
• I completely understand what you are going through

Believe it or not these are all things that people have said to me.  I am sure there are probably even more that I can't think of right now.  I know people have good intentions and many times it is more that they don’t know what to say but there needs to be an etiquette manual out there so people can handle this type of situation.  hmmm... that could be my next project!!!

Kate