Starting Again

Dear Hope,

We are back at it. Well maybe…. Timing this month may not be on my side. So I went for blood work on my Day 3  and all of my blood work came back in normal ranges. (BLOOD LEVELS: E2 Level: 39.0 /FSH Level: 4.28 /LH Level: 1.28 /P4 Level: 0.424) Next step is to start Ovulation Predictor Tests starting on Day 10 (March 4^th).  So… depending on when I ovulate, it will determine if we are able to go ahead with our next IVF cycle.  This is because if I ovulate on schedule (Day 14), I would start the Lupron injections a week later and then shortly after I start the stimulating injections to get my eggs cookin! However, I will be out of town the last week of March for work, which is the prime time for possible egg retrieval.  I am soooo frustrated because that would mean I would have to wait another cycle before we can start.  I know I should be patient and after all this time what’s another month…. But I am just ready to be done with this step of the process.

 I am taking this time to do whatever I can to set us up for the best possible cycle.  I am working out more, eating healthier, and I have started a regular schedule of ACUPUNCTURE!!!!!!  I went for my 1^st appointment last Friday and I really enjoyed it.  I felt so relaxed and a sense of tranquility came over me.  Although looking down at my body filled with hundreds of needles was a little freaky!!!!  Maybe next time I will just keep my eyes shut!  But overall it still was a great experience and can’t wait to go again.  I have read a lot about the benefits of acupuncture and have read that it can actually increase the chances of getting pregnant. I will do anything at this point… if the dr told me to walk backwards and only eat lima beans I would do it! But as we all know, it’s not that easy.  So I am hoping that the acupuncture will be the difference this time and we can finally move forward. 

Kate

Bad News... Bad Day...

Dear Hope,

Today was going to be a really important milestone for my embryos and I couldn’t sleep all night waiting for the call from my nurse.  Unfortunately, it was not what I wanted to hear.  I am sad to say that NONE of our embryos made it to today.  I could tell as soon as the nurse said hello to me that something was wrong.  The feeling I had when she gave me the news was complete devastation.  I don’t even remember anything else she said after that.  All I knew was that I was back where we started with more time, money and emotions taken away and nothing to show for it. 

It may sound silly but whenever I lose an embryo, whether at Day 1 or Day 6 I feel like I lose a part of ME.  I know that they are only a group of cells… but their OUR cells and I love them from day 1.  This whole process has taken so much out of me and every disappointment chips away at my HOPE and my HEART.  I have never wanted something so much and it’s sometimes hard to accept something that comes so easy to others has been such a struggle for us.  

My Dr called me today to see how I was doing.  Talking with her eases my frustration and continues to give me hope that having a healthy baby is still a possibility.  I am happy to say that there was some good news for the day. It actually it was GREAT news… Dr. Hock was able to look up some information on the one frozen embryo we currently have.  The lab has already conducted the PGD (genetic) testing and it came back that our embryo is completely genetically and chromosomally normal!!!! This was huge news for us!!!  This means that it is possible to have a healthy embryo and hopefully a healthy pregnancy and baby!!!! My dr said this was a great sign and even though it may take us another ivf cycle to get another normal embryo it is possible.  But, seeing as she considers us such a “difficult case” and still unsure why we are unable to get our embryos to the blastocyst stage - her plan is to present our case to the other drs in the group and see if they have any other suggestions. 

But… the plan is that as soon as I get my next period (hopefully in about 10days or so) I will call RMA and start this process again.  So probably by the end of March I will start the injections and by Mid-April would undergo another Egg Retrieval. 

I can’t believe I have to do this again… for a 5^th time! It almost doesn’t feel real…  Holding on to the little HOPE that I have.

Kate

Day 5... one more day!!!!

Dear Hope,

So I am not sure where to start but I will try to break down what has happened this week. Last I wrote I had not spoken to anyone regarding my embryos and was pretty upset.  On Tuesday I received a call from my dr and it was some good news and some disappointing news. 

1^st with the good…  as of Day 3 (Monday) all 10 embryos were still growing.  Woo who!!!!  My dr explained that the embryology lab looks at many different aspects of the embryo including how many cells and how they are dividing when grading them.  Grading scale is 1-5 with 1 being best and 5 worst.  (she said that they very rarely give out a 1 so any 2s would be great).  So we had… 5 – with 8 cells / 2 – with 7 cells and 1- 6 cells, 1-5 cells, -1-4cells.  Of these-  3 were had a grade of 2 (yay!!!) and 2 had a grade of 3 (and those would have the best chance of making it).  So I was very happy to hear this and excited that hopefully if all continued to go well I would be able to test and transfer on Thursday.  Well…. I was mistaken!!!!!  Apparently, Brian and I misunderstood or were misled on the process of the PGD genetic testing and transfer.  I had been under the impression that I would be able to do a transfer if all worked out on this cycle.  Nope!  If we get at least one by day 6 (tomorrow) then it will have to be frozen and I will have to undergo a “Frozen Embryo Transfer” cycle.  Ugh!!!  I am not sure why this was not explained to us in the beginning and needless to say I have been very frustrated.  My dr said we can do it on my very next cycle but that still means more medications and more expenses!!!!  I don’t think it will be as expensive as a full ivf cycle or as demanding on my body, but again just a letdown that we once again go another month without being pregnant! 

So, my dr called today with the update of my embryos.  As of today, DAY 5 I had 4 embryos left and all 4 were at the “Morula” stage of development.  That is good but they need to be at the “Blastocyst” stage before they can do the genetic testing and transfer.  I asked my dr for a better explanation as to why I can’t do a transfer on this cycle.  She explained that it would only have been possible if the embryos were at the blastocyst stage today.  That way they could do the biopsy today and be ready for transfer tomorrow.  However, because my embryos are only at the morula stage they are not ready for biopsy.  If they were to biopsy them fresh tomorrow, then even if they were healthy they wouldn’t make it outside the body to Day 7.  Make sense???  I know very confusing!!!! But It does finally make some sense now that my dr explained it better.  Ultimately I want to do what is right for my embryos and if they have the best chance to make it by waiting to do the transfer then I am ok with that. 

With all this being said… Tonight is a BIG night!!!!  Now my 4 embryos still have to not only make it to tomorrow (Day 6) but they will have to be at the blastocyst stage in order to be frozen and for us to move on to the next cycle transfer.  Anything can happen but I am praying and HOPING for a miracle that all 4 make it!!!!!

Kate

DAY 3... No News!!!

Dear Hope,

So all day I waited and waited for the phone call that never came.  On Day 3 post Egg retrieval my nurse is scheduled to call me with the status of my growing embryos.  All weekend I have been excited for this call. But for whatever reason I NEVER received a call.  After anxiously waiting all day I finally called and left a message for my nurse or my dr to call me… no return call. At 5pm I called RMA and left a message with the answering service for a nurse call back and now its 8:30pm and still no call.  I am so frustrated!!!  This is a time that I am supposed to be calm and try not to stress but it’s very hard when I have no answers!  I know whatever they tell me will not change anything, but at least I would have feel better if I knew something.  I was really hoping for some good news on Valentine’s Day!!!  But, I keep trying to tell myself “no news is good news”.   

I just left my nurse a very stern voicemail requesting a call from her and my dr asap tomorrow morning!!!  We will see….

Kate

The Report is In!!!

Dear Hope,

So far so good…  I received the call from the nurse regarding my fertilization report and I couldn’t be happier at this point.  Of the 20 eggs retrieved, 16 were mature (of which they performed the ICSI procedure) and 10 FERTILIZED!!!!!!

Once again, I know anything can happen but this is an amazing start! My embryos have overcome their 1^st hurdle and now I just pray and hope that they continue to be healthy and strong!!!!  Next step… I will receive a call Monday (Day 3) with their status.  Because I am doing the PGD testing they will automatically be pushed out to at least Wednesday (Day 5) versus a possible day 3 transfer which would have been Monday.  I am still recovering from the retrieval procedure but it’s all worth it!!! The countdown begins and I’m trying to stay calm but can’t wait until Monday!!!

Kate

MY IVF STATS:
1st Cycle: 13 eggs retrieved, 11 mature, 3 fertilized- day 3 transfer of 2 embryos
2nd Cycle: 10 eggs retrieved, 7 mature, 5 fertilized - day 6 transfer of 1embryo
3rd Cycle: 12 eggs retrieved, 9 mature, 6 fertilized - day 6 cyrofreeze of 1 embryo
4th Cycle: 20 eggs retrieved, 16 mature, 10 fertilized...........???????????

Eggs, Eggs, and More Eggs!!!!

Dear Hope,

So my Aunt Sue told me to think about the Easter Bunny today… and it must have worked because the Easter Bunny sure did come with lots of EGGS!!!! 

 That’s right… my retrieval went great and they retrieved 20 EGGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That is my best number yet (1^st retrieval was 13, 2^nd was 10, and last was 12)!!!! So I almost doubled what I had done in the past! But as excited as Brian and I both are we know that things can change dramatically overnight.  So I am staying cautiously optimistic but hoping for the best!  As far as the procedure everything went well, I woke from the anesthesia pretty sore so the nurse gave me some pain meds in my IV to help out. She said because the dr retrieved so many eggs I was probably sore from him “digging around in there” Yikes!!!  Not medical terminology but the description fits how I feel. With my soreness and nausea that I was experiencing, I was dreading the one hour car ride home… and it was not easy! I made Brian pull over on the Garden State Parkway twice so I could throw up! Not fun! But I kept telling myself that this is all worth it if our outcome leads to success.

Now begins the first step in the waiting game… tomorrow my nurse will call with the “fertilization report”.  She will let me know of the 20 eggs retrieved, how many were actually mature and then how many actually fertilized. So tonight is a big night!!!!  I am hoping and praying that tomorrow’s phone call is good news and we have strong healthy embryos growing!!!  

Kate

Getting closer...

Dear Hope,

Everything went well today with my ultrasound and blood work (E2 Level: 2884 / HCG Level: 106 / P4 Level: 2.55), so I am on track for tomorrow’s Egg Retrieval.  I am really excited to head up to Morristown and hopefully have a successful day! Fingers Crossed!

Kate