lucky number...... 5??????

Dear Hope,

So I have been very bad at keeping you up to date so here is a recap of what has happened and what is going on…  I spoke with my dr regarding our plan for our next cycle.  When she called she asked if my ears were ringing because she had just gotten out of a meeting with her partners.  She said she presented our “case” to the group to see if any of the other drs may have a different approach to our cycle.  Because I always respond so well the medication and everything looks textbook up until the embryo growth period they didn’t think we needed to change anything. The only suggestion was that I complete some extra genetic testing, one of which is called a Karyotype Test. (Brian was tested a while back and was negative) Because of our IVF history the drs think it is worth me doing since it is only a blood test.  The results will tell if I have “unbalanced translocation” chromosomes (meaning- missing or mismatched chromosomes).  There is only a 1% chance that I could have this, but it’s worth ruling out at this point. It’s all very scientific and confusing but when my Dr explained I understood… I think.  

 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karyotype

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chromosomal_translocation

So, on March 15^th I went in for blood work and will hopefully find out the results in a few weeks.  That same day I received a positive ovulation test! Day 21 of my cycle!!! So I would like to believe that I was able to “will” myself to ovulate late so I could go ahead with our next IVF cycle!  I went in on Wednesday March 23^rd (my dad’s birthday- maybe a good sign) for blood work in the hopes that we could start the Lurpon injections.  Well the results were in (BLOOD LEVELS: E2 Level: 201 / P4 Level: 11.0) all in normal ranges so we were set to go! 

I leave on Sunday for Vegas for a work Meeting (sounds exciting but we work extremely long hours and now that I am doing the injections I can’t drink!) so I will have to bring the medication and syringes on the plane and had to make sure I have a room with a refrigerator.  I am more concerned because I usually am a little “fuzzy” and very uncomfortable when I am on the injections, but I just have to suck it up and keep telling myself it is all worth it! Maybe since the timing is so inconvenient and I will be so distracted with work that maybe this is my lucky cycle!!!!

Next step… when I get back from my trip I will go in for blood work and a ultrasound on Saturday April 2^nd and if all looks good I will start the stimulating injections to start growing my eggys!!! My Egg Retrieval will probably be some time in the week of April 11^th. 

Please Please Please keep us in your thoughts and Prayers…. I still can't believe this will be the 5th time I am going through this...

Kate

Pregnant Bellys EVERYWHERE!!!!

Dear Hope,

Whenever going through (or trying to go through) a major life changing event, it seems like everywhere you look there are reminders of what you are doing.  For example, when wanting to get engaged I remember noticing everyone else’s engagement rings or even if you want a new car, that car is now seen all over the road.  But most recently for me, when trying to start a family, there are pregnant women and newborn babies everywhere!!!!  

Besides friends that are pregnant (which I feel is like everyone!)  I feel like wherever I go, I see or hear about someone being pregnant.  Wednesday was a perfect example of what I deal with every day… 1^st I noticed on facebook that a friend of mine is now pregnant with her 2^nd child (side note- not only are all my friends getting pregnant, having babies, but now they are on their 2^nd). Also on facebook I have to read about anyone and everyone who is pregnant being so happy and giving minute by minute status updates of how they feel and what a prefect life they have. (I would never want to take anything away for anyone who is excited and expecting but you have to understand some days it’s just too much for me). Then that same day, on the plane flying to Arizona to visit my mother in-law the couple next to me talked for about 15 minutes about their friends who just found out they were pregnant.  Then I look to the left of me and there was a woman in the next seat with a cute little belly on her.  Lastly, when I arrived to AZ, Brian mentioned that he was out at a bar with a friend the night before and the bartender   was like 8 months pregnant and could barely reach across the bar to give them their drinks.  That’s just wrong!  

So… now you can see how not only am I dealing with my own inner struggle to remain strong but how difficult it can be to have constant reminders around me all the time.

It can be very frustrating but there are some exceptions… when my closest and dearest friends and family announce the good news that they are expecting I could not be happier and excited to welcome their little miracle into the world.  But being human going through what I have been going through, there still are days that even as happy as I am I still will get emotional.  That is where a great friend or of course family will recognize and hold back to “protect” me.  As strong as I want to believe I am, I appreciate this act of friendship and compassion more than anything. 

Kate

Ready to Try Anything

Dear Hope,

 I went for my 2^nd acupuncture appointment on Friday and am already feeling the positive effects of it.  It’s hard to explain but during the session I feel an overwhelming sense of serenity.  As I meditate my thoughts wander but in a way that relaxes me.  I really believe this is going to not only make a difference in my upcoming IVF cycle but in my overall life.  When I was done my acupuncturist gave me a Chinese “ritual” to perform during ovulation.  She said that she often suggests this to women who are struggling with infertility.  I know I have said I will try anything so here it is:

During ovulation she said to 1^st put sea salt in my belly button.  (Yes you read it correctly! My belly button!!!) Then with the incense stick she gave me (which she said will smell really bad-but part of the ritual) , Brian is to light it and make slow circular motions above my belly button until I can feel the heat.  Pull it away and repeat 3 times. 

Each time saying a relaxation and empowerment phrase like “Give me strength, give me power, give me courage.” 

I tried looking up this type of ritual on the internet and couldn’t find anything.  But I trust her and her teachings and even though it seems a little out there, I will try anything!!!!! I am just looking for one little miracle and if this will help me get just a little closer then sea salt and incense it is!!!!

Kate

Not so Nice of a Day

Dear Hope,

So I have to share the phone call I received today…  So around 11am I answered my cell phone and to my surprise a women was calling from Monmouth Medical Center.  This is kinda how it went… 

“Hi, I am calling from Monmouth Medical Center, is this Katie?” 

I said, “Yes” (thinking OMG is someone sick, is something wrong)

She then said she was from the Insurance Department (only thing I could think of was if I still owed money from my D&C procedure from July? But really didn’t want to have to think about that or go over any details).

I said,” Ummmm… OK”

Then she proceeded to say… “I am calling because I have it scheduled that you are coming in shortly to have you baby and I needed to go over a few things.”  

What! I didn’t even know what to say, I was silent for what felt like an eternity then I managed to say…  ” No I actually had a miscarriage in July and I am NOT pregnant.” (Queue the tears)

She was silent for what now felt like an eternity on her end but then she said… “ O… OK… Ummmmm…. This must have been a mistake, Have a Nice Day!” (Now the tears were flowing)

Have a nice day????  What she should have said was… “I am sorry I just disrupted your day and made you feel horrible, I am sorry I not only brought up the fact that you miscarried but that you are still not pregnant.”   I couldn’t believe that just happened! It was so strange and why today??? 

I immediately called Brian and as he answered the phone I just started sobbing.  I explain what happened and he felt horrible! He told me to take a few deep breaths and to keep my head up. (Remember this was in the middle of my work day) Like always he reassured me and told me that we will “Get There” Even though I was feeling a little better I HAD to call my mom.  She always knows what to say to make me feel better and I could definitely use a pep talk.  Sure enough, she made me feel better! Love you Mom!!!!  She said that even though I was sad maybe this was a good omen… a good sign that I will be pregnant soon! I sure hope so…. 

My fertility issues have once again proven to be an everyday challenge.  Just when I think I have my emotions and my head in check something like this happens.  Today is a perfect example…. I was having a good day, pretty distracted with work so not able to think too much about the baby stuff but then one phone call changes my mood for the rest of the day.  I am trying so hard to stay strong and to stay positive but some days my patience and emotions are tested.  Still holding on to HOPE.

Kate